Here we are in the year 2024 and what has humanity done for our souls I ask myself. Let me tell you my mothers story living with Alzheimer’s dementia. I had lived side by side while my mother was living with Alzheimer’s for almost 10 years.I saw it all and then some. In the beginning of her journey it wasn’t so bad. Well, or so I thought. She started forgetting numbers, ex: how to write a check, became agitated more frequent and started forgetting things on the stove and also when she had to take her meds.I didn’t know what her condition was at the time so I thought she was going insane. She was on a lot of meds for anxiety and sleep issues, on top of that heart meds. She had a pace maker placed some years ago. I didn’t know what to do for her at the time. So I called a family member to help figure it out. We did and we had decided she could not live alone. They took her in and as years went by her condition got worse. She started getting angry and less attentive to things. I’m not sure if she knew how she was reacting to situations. She was diagnosed by this time. It was probably two years into her disease when we decided she needed to be placed in a nursing facility. Reluctantly, we did so. By then the family broke their ties with her and I became her caregiver/power of attorney. I didn’t know what I was going to do. I just prayed I was making the right decisions as I went along and witnessed the progression of her disease. It was frightening at times, when her falls became more frequent. I had to take her to the hospital more often then I wanted to. It was just my life partner and I at the time. Another family member tried to help but it was too demanding of a job. It became a 24/7 challenge to say the least. As her disease progressed and her falls became more frequent, she was moved from place to place. I even took care of her a couple times at my home, but it was too demanding. So I found the best places I thought she could be in. As I always kept my phone by my side; each time my phone rang, I dreaded it was yet another fall. As time went by she was in at least five or six nursing facilities and three or four assisted living homes. At the places where she resided, I visited everyday. I saw things I shouldn’t have seen. Residents would fall, then taken back to their rooms with possibly no emergency care. Family members would seldom visit their family members in these places. As their condition got worse and passed away, I saw them wheel them out. As time went by I never got use to all the sadness in these places. I only wanted to make my mother not feel alone while enduring her journey of dementia. There were times she would cry and didn’t know why. I asked and all she could do was shrug her shoulders and say she didn’t know why. I would ask her her name and she knew it for some time. There were times she knew who I was, but that slowly went away. There were times we would have conversations of other people she knew in these places who she thought she had a relationship with. I celebrated every birthday and every holiday with her. I gave her pedicures. I cut her hair. I bought her what she needed when it was necessary. I comforted her as much as I could. I didn’t know what she was thinking as she got worse and starting to speak less. They called it ‘salad talk’. She mumbled and cried sometimes and called for her mother. I just held her hand, prayed and told her everything is ok. She loved music I played for her, that seemed to soothe her. Towards the last stage of her disease, she had gotten sicker. I didn’t know what it was. She developed difficulty in breathing, due to pheumonia. They had tested her and they found she became positive for Covid. I was devastated. I had not vaccinated her by choice. Even though she had already been bed-ridden for two years after she had gotten her new pacemaker. I didn’t think she would ever get Covid. It was 18 days in and she wasn’t getting any better. She then started not to eat. I knew then her days were numbered. I didn’t want to admit to myself that she might die soon. I prayed and I prayed to God and to her mom to watch over her and not let her suffer for too long. As the days went on she looked afraid and couldn’t say much. She didn’t have the strength to hold on any longer or so I thought. So I just told her to be brave and ask God to show her the light. She had endured so much. I felt so helpless. But I knew I had to be strong. Family was called to say our goodbyes. She looked around one last time as to say her goodbyes. I didn’t see her take her last breath, but I looked into her eyes and I knew she was gone. I had to leave the room. When I returned I was told she was gone. As I screamed my screams of sorrow. I thought I would die. I spoke to her and told her that this body she was in means nothing now to me. I will remember her as she was before this disease and Covid took her life. The day she passed was the worst day of my life. I will never forget. I know I will see her again one day. It just seems so far away.
